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10 Reasons Why Insecurity Doesn't Totally Suck

There are a lot of us out there who let our insecurities get the best of us. For some it's a matter of dealing with a niggling doubt now and then, for others it's a constant battle with 50-foot colossus of self-loathing. I grew up with it, shared bunk-beds and a toothbrush with it, and did my best to stake that bastard in the heart every chance I got, but recently I had an epiphany. Being isn't insecure isn't all bad. It may have fostered in me a fear of success, but it also made me sensitive to my surroundings and gave me a bend-over-backwards-type personality that makes me really good at pleasing others. Here is my list of ten reasons why insecurity doesn't completely suck. Please love me - I mean - I hope you like it.

1. Insecure people are eager to please - When you need constant love or validation, you tend to go try that much harder. Just like how the pretty people don't "put out," we DO put out - and we put out plenty. We let you skip First, Second, and Third Base and head straight for Home. And we do that thing that you read about but are afraid to try.

2. We are careful not to screw up - Where an over-confident person might jump into a situation thinking they can handle it but instead screw it up beyond the limits of human comprehension, an insecure person will make double-sure and triple-sure (and even then check wikipedia for a fourth opinion) that they know exactly what to do before they even think about mentioning that they might know which wire to cut. This comes from years of practice of trying to avoid lots of laughter and pointing - a situation that happens more often than not in a locker room. Go figure.

3. We know our strengths - Besides having a several-volume alphabetized cross-referenced index of all our weaknesses, what few strengths we have we know very, very well. In my case, when it comes to recognizing B-list guest stars from TV, I'm your guy. "Hey! That's the chick that took her top off in 'Valley Girl' and does the voice for Buttercup on Powerpuff Girls."

4. We always have someone to talk to - Several voices in your head telling you what you can't do, convincing you everyone hates you, or reminding you of past mistakes means you're never completely alone. My voices serenade me in three-part harmony about how worthless I am. I'm hoping to add an alto soon. 

5. We know what's wrong with you - Since we've endured years and years of introspection and self-analyzation, we have a special spider-sense that helps us recognized messed-up people. We know who you are, and we know exactly what's wrong with you. And if you want to talk about it, we've got hours and hours to kill. We don't sleep much and we're more than happy to drag you down with us. 

6. We're good for the economy pt. 1 - We are great to hire because we 're much more worried about our performance reviews than what financial rewards we get from working hard. One "Great job, Stu!" is worth two raises in salary to the insecure. So not only will we work really hard, we're also cheap to hire. You're welcome, economy. 

7. We're good for the economy pt. 2 - Even if you don't completely hate yourself, there's a good chance that generations of marketing geniuses have taught you to hate how you look. A whole industry called 'Health & Beauty' (these two are completely antithetical in many cases) is built entirely on people being insecure about their bodies. They should actually call it 'You're fat and ugly and we can't really help you to change until you decide to change yourself but give us your money anyway & Health'.

8. Insecure insomniacs buy crap at three in the morning - thus we keep informercial actors from doing porn. No further explanation necessary. 

9. We don't know how to say 'no' - Due to our fear of rejection, we also find it hard to reject others. If you're so blind that you find us attractive, then we'll do our best to ignore your lisp. And your limp. And hump. Both of them. We, however, are ready for rejection at any turn and will be happy to supply our dumpers any number of good reasons why we should be the dumpees. "It's because I pour the milk before the cereal, isn't it? No? Is it because I pronounce love 'lurve' sometimes? Is it because I like to use your humps as bongoes?" 

10. We make great artists - When you live a life filled with pain both real and imagined, you need an outlet. Not all of us can become dentists or high-school counselors, so we become poets, painters, performers, and those guys that write jingles that you've had stuck in your head since before you hit puberty. We feel the pain so you don't have to. Then we focus it, squeeze real hard, and out comes art. Sound easy? Just ask VanGogh about easy.

There you have it. 10 reasons to be proud of your lack of pride. Insecurity makes us sensitive and caring individuals who support the economy and will go the extra mile (or the extra base) asking for little more than to be loved. Or at least noticed. I say we no longer see our lack of confidence as just a burden, but also an asset. I say we scream it from the rooftops! "I'm not good enough, and that makes me great!" Who's with me? You're not sure? 
Good for you.

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